The Plan

I knew this pain was going to come 

Before we even parted 

I felt it the first time we had to share

Share something that is ours

But now not together

How do you accept this

When THIS wasn’t supposed to happen

When seeing your child whenever you want, is not possible

Because seeing your child is now on a schedule…

I can’t even understand the line above

Sharing wasn’t the plan

The first time we separated our child was a baby

Each time he left my arms my home was empty,

I would pace 

Back and forth

Like a caged lioness

Knowing she should be with her cub

I still feel the same 12 years later

Nothing has changed

Except that you are older now and aware

My sweet child

This wasn’t the plan I had for you

When you are here my heart is settled

When you are away my mind scatters

My fear heightens 

My worry deepens

Even though I know these are just feelings

You are fine.

You are safe.

You are loved wherever you go

You are strong

You are a warrior

Just like your parents

This will get easier

And we will grow from all of this hardship

My wish is for us to land on our feet

And to trust that all will be well

The plan took a different route

But the end will be just as glorious

Because I will grow with you

And my sweet boy, you will grow with me.

3 thoughts on “The Plan

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  1. You’ve got this, you always have. The journey isn’t always easy but you’ve always been a warrior ❤️

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  2. You will always be in my prayers. Never lose hope. God has tested you time after time and continues to test you. He loves you, he created you with a divine purpose and all he asks in return is to live knowing that you are always forgiven and loved. Once you live with God in your heart fully and completely he uses you to help others. Your pain and loss are lessons learned. His beautiful gift of free will has consequences. Each day when the sun rises is a new chance for change. Start loving yourself and give yourself to Jesus whole heartedly. He died on the cross for our sins. You don’t have to go to church to pray. You can pray and connect with him anytime and anywhere. The Holy Spirit inside you will grow again and take over your life and become a bulletproof vest against all your weaknesses. The devil lives within our ego. Earth is the devils playground and we are all sinners. Each one of us is continually tempted every second of the day. Just slowly give into the Holy Spirit. Watch old Billy Graham sermons on YouTube for inspiration. He is probably the best preacher of the gospel that has ever lived. Our bodies is just a costume but it’s our soul that needs holy transformation. God bless you Jen and your son Logan. Forever and Always.

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