Every Step Matters

I am still struggling with drinking.

But now it is just annoying.  It’s there, and won’t go away.

I feel strong because I am so aware of the problem, yet weak because I’m apparently still clueless as to how to solve it.

I go for days and days without a drink and then I slip.

And the fall is hard.

My newest strategy which is completely out of character for me has been working out and seriously focusing on getting healthy.  I am filling my time with movement and distracting myself so that I won’t drink.

I have been exercising 3 to 4 times a week.  Which may sound like no big deal, but if you were to ask anyone who knows me… it is.  This is the first time I have ever continued with anything that could be good for me physically…EVER.

I am at the 3-month mark, which is a huge milestone for me.

The key to this has been a good friend who is working out beside me and doesn’t take no for an answer. If you have a friend like this, keep them close no matter how hard and annoying it can be at times.  Align yourself with someone who is better than you. Especially something you struggle with. Find that someone who will make you stretch yourself.  Someone, who when you want to stop, she says 5 more seconds.  Because what comes out of that is growth.  And when you begin to see change you want to keep going.

I go to an indoor track as the witching hours approaches and I get itchy for a drink.

Out the door and walking by 8:30pm and home after 10pm.

Showered and in bed by 10:30pm.

Don’t deviate or get distracted by anything else.

I HAVE to get myself under the covers or else I will begin to wander and waiver and then it will be GAME OVER.

I take each day as a little bite size accomplishment which I do not take lightly.

I am recognizing each achievement as they happen for myself.

When I am walking on the track and I feel my heart pounding, I am really trying to get in tune with my body.

I almost begin talking to it.

Letting my heart know that the blood that is pumping through my veins is strengthening the vessel that is my body.

Sending positive vibes with every step I take, I begin to feel stronger and tell myself that each step matters.

That one foot in front of the other is more than I was doing before.

That even on a day when I’m not feeling it, the fact that I got my ass out of the house is a WIN and I’m gonna take it!

This is the body that is going to get me to tomorrow.  Every step I take in the right direction leads me to more days of joy and contentment.

But most importantly it is leading to a sense of pride. Pride that I am taking action and that I am living in the NOW.  Conscious of what my problems are and taking my head out of the sand it was buried in. One step at a time.

I am still struggling with drinking.

It hasn’t gone away.

But it isn’t winning as much as it was before.