If you had to bet on yourself, would you?

Recently it was asked of me, if I had to bet on mine and my families success, would I?

Meaning, would I invest?  Wager? Gamble? Place a bet?

Am I in it to win it?

Well, many from the outside looking in, would run away as fast as they could.  Clear to them that we were a bad investment, a long shot, destined for misfortune.

Yes, to some it may seem so, especially in light of this past month, which has been incredibly trying, dramatic and just plain unbelievable.

I know now why I drank! And I am amazed that I haven’t during all of this.

You know, going into July I was energized.  Ready to embark on a remedy for my body that would require me to ask for help and to rest.

I won’t lie, the thought of being off work for a month was delightful.  I was burnt out and having a surgery actually seemed like a welcomed opportunity for some R&R.

I flew my mom out to help with the TLC and was looking forward to bonding and connecting again after not seeing each other for a year.

My surgery went well and I was very grateful to be taken care of.

As women, we are always the care givers, so to be the recipient for once does not go without gratitude.

But the R&R was not to last long.

On the 6th day of recovery, feeling the need to get back out in the world, we all packed into the truck and went for a 3-hour cruise around town.

I didn’t want to go back home.

I didn’t realize how cooped up I felt and getting out felt wonderful. It was the magical evening hours when you are out West.  The sun is beginning to set, the air is crisp yet warm, and the breeze sooths.  It was exactly what I had needed.

But as we made our way home that feeling disappeared as we pulled into the driveway.

My heart stopped as I saw water pouring down from the top of our garage…. Massive flood.

A pipe burst while we were away and the pressure and amount of water that poured through the house damaged 3 levels, 3 washrooms, 3 bedrooms and the garage.

We slept in a hotel that night.  And I was dreading what was the come.

This had never happened to me before…I had no clue where to begin, and my husband was away for work.  So, crippled me, my mom and son started to make plans.  And thank heavens for home insurance! If it wasn’t so devastating, it was almost comical how the 3 of us went into pure adrenaline mode seeing water pouring every where.  And my son amazed me with his ‘step up to the plate’ attitude. What a trooper.

And now for the last month, my home has been invaded by strangers.  Touching, taking, packing and moving all our possessions.

The thing about a flood is that you don’t expect it.  You can’t prepare for it.  It just happens.

Your things are here and there.  It’s impossible to remember each and every item and where it is exactly in your home.

But when it starts to get removed, the feeling of invasion and resentment begin to kick in.

Things you thought you would have forever are destroyed.

Shipped off without a second thought.

The sadness and emptiness begin to take hold of you, as day by day your house slowly gets torn apart.

Room by room.

Plastic runners are laid down, to compensate for the wooden floors that have just been ripped out.  And cardboard boxes become you bureau for all your clothes.

But you know what?  My husband and I looked at each other in the midst of all the rubble and we just had to laugh.

We’ve been through worse.

This is new, granted, but not the worst.

Yet with even this happening, we were meant to be tested even more.

The following week I was to lose a dear friend.

A beautiful, vibrant, young mother of two.

27 years young. Ready to conquer life and all it’s challenges….

Taken too soon.

Shocking. Unbelievable. Impossible. Questionable.

That is the worst part.

The questions.

How? Why?

This was unexplained and unexpected. And has affected me deeply.  Speaking at her funeral gave me a bit of closure, but I will not be at peace until all my questions are answered.

And as I was in the beginning stages of processing my grief, we received news that my husband lost his job.

So disappointing.

This economy is so unpredictable.  What was once a booming industry, is now struggling to survive.  The job loss is immense and we are one of the many, not the few.

Another blow.

But we can get up.

July has been a month of LOSS.

Loss of house.

Loss of friend.

Loss of work.

And if you remember from my last blog.  Loss of my son for the summer.

And now loss of husband.  He has joined our home sick child.

The boy who thought he could take on the world.

By day 4 he wanted to come back home. 😉

So, I ask myself…would I bet on me?

My answer…

 

Damn straight I would!

I would be betting on resilience, stamina, and the strength it takes to overcome.

To carry optimism and conviction in the face of all that goes wrong.

To support and not judge.

To look at the gains we received from our losses.

My son gained a summer with all his cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends.  Memories he is old enough now to remember for the rest of his life.

He gained independence from his clingy, paranoid, overprotective mom. And yet, he still misses me! 😊

He gained self awareness and the ability to trust his judgement.

All a big win for him.

As for my home.  Well… now it will be completely renovated.  I will get to pick and chose how I want it to look and everything will be brand new!  And when the time comes to list our home it will look the best it ever has!

A big win for our home.

There is no gain from losing a dear friend.  Only lessons.  And they are simply to truly live life to the fullest every day.  Because today is really all you are ever guaranteed. It sounds cliché, but it so isn’t. This beautiful mother had no idea when she left work that night that she was never coming back.  That she would never hold her babies in her arms again.  That when she went to bed…she would never wake up.

For me I will never hear her voice again, see her smiling face, hear her crazy stories.  And the simplest thing… I will never get a text from her… I keep waiting, but I know none will come.  So, make sure you are kind to one another.  Say your I love you’s everyday. Support and don’t judge, because today is all you really have.

The bare floors, and the loss of job now seem so small and manageable in light of what can really go wrong.

I am, and always have been a betting woman.

And I will always bet on this family of three.

This family that stays afloat when we should have sunk.

Making sure our life vest are always on and secure.  And because of this I know we will survive and triumph.

We have the will, drive and determination, and that is really all you need.

Throw in love, loyalty and trust.

Yup, I’m going to bet it all on us!

I am all in!