Before we met, I knew you…

I knew what you would look like. How you would smell.  How it would feel to hold you and have you lay in my arms.

Before we met, I knew you…

We would be closer than any two people could be. My heart would burst with joy and love every time I would see you.

Before we met I knew how I would dress you…the soft pajama onesies, fashion jeans and comfy sweaters. They were all hung up, just waiting for you to put them on, and become my little guy.

Before we met, I knew we were going to have great conversations, especially while driving. I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist looking in the rear view mirror to watch you speak and to see your facial expressions as you told me about your day.

Before we met, I knew that I would be in love with your fingers and your toes.  That they would just have to be kissed and nibbled every day, and that the smell of you would intoxicate me.

I knew that you would not fall asleep while I read to you at night.  Because we would talk about the story as we explored the adventures together.

Before we met, I knew you would always go to sleep with a peaceful heart.  Your thoughts would be filled with goodness and your eyes would close with contentment and confidence that you were loved.

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Before we met I knew you…

I knew that once you came I wouldn’t be able to live without you.

I knew that every morning would be brighter and filled with magic just because you were here.

I knew that your morning or night time cry would never be a burden, but a symphony of love calling me to you.

Before we met, I knew that your pain would be my pain. That life as I knew it would never be the same, and that was ok.

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Before we met, I knew that even though my life had been filled with darkness, yours would only be filled with light.

You would know what happiness was.

You would know that my hugs and kisses were a part of you, not a foreign experience, but an unconscious part of your existence.

You would know that my eyes would watch over you and that my every thought would be for you to be safe and happy.

Before we met, I knew you would never have to fear me. My presence would not make you run away from me, but towards me.  My hands would only touch you with tenderness, never cruelty.

Your room would be your sanctuary.  A place for you to feel calm and peaceful.  A room that would be filled with your treasures, and your walls a tapestry of your favorite imaginary friends and memories.

Your room would never be a prison.  It would at no time be a place for you to hate yourself and blame yourself for things that were out of your control.

This would never happen.

Your home would always welcome you.

Walking through the front door I would see you exhale as you left the outside world and rejoice in the safe haven of your home and family.

Your home would never be a place that you dreaded coming to.  A place where you were unsure of what was happening inside.  Wondering if the outside world was safer than the inside.

Before we met, I knew I would be a strong mother.  As mine was for me.

You would have a mother that grew up in a battle ground.  A mother who would bare scars from her past.  A mother who would protect you as mine did for me.

You will have a mother who would work to right the wrongs of her past.

 

Before we met I knew that one day I would share my story with you.  Not to scare you or make you feel sorrow, but to make you understand.

Understand that your life was so very important to me.  That a mother’s love is transcendent.  And that with every generation we get better.

You will be better.

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Before we met, I knew my story would change.  That being a mother was my purpose, and that I would openly and whole heartedly share this journey with you, so that you would be and do better than me.

Now that we have met, and your small hand holds mine, I know that miracles do exist.  I see it in your eyes, as they are a reflection of mine.  And when I look in them I know that I have created something good.

As you grow, I will be growing with you, on this journey called Life.

Our adventures are in the early stages, and I seem to know less now that you are here, then I did before we met.

But know this, no matter what happens in our lives, I am forever yours, and you are forever mine.

This is what I always knew… before we met.

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